Helping Children Cope With Tragedy

Ten Tips to Help Children Cope with Tragedy

1. Stay Calm.  Children observe the adults around them and take cues from you as they process these tragic events.  If you appear to be calm and at peace, chances are, they will be too. 
2.  Turn off the TV.  And the radio and the internet.  Also, put away the printed media (newspapers and news magazines).  At least until the kids are in bed.  Instead, focus on other activities such as reading books, playing board games, or going for a walk outdoors.  
3.  Listen.  Children may need to talk… and talk, and talk and talk.  Be an open listener and don’t interrupt as they process tragedy by discussing it. 
4.  Answer.  If children have questions, answer them honestly, but only give them as much information as they need.  What they need will depend on their ages and their developmental levels.  A three-year-old will probably only need to know the most basic facts, while a ten-year-old will need more details. Don’t lie to children and don’t pretend that nothing has happened.  (Children are smarter than we think, and they probably already know more than you think they know.)  In almost every case, what children really want to know is that they (and their families) are safe.   
5.  “Look for the helpers.”  This is a quote from Fred Rogers (“Mr. Rogers” from the PBS TV show) Fred Rogers’ mother said this to him when he was young, and this quote is still true today.  Whenever tragedy strikes, helpers rush in.  Point this out to your child. In almost any tragedy, there are people who rush in to help.  Talk about the heroism of the first responders and the other people who help the victims.  Tell your child about the volunteers who show up to help after the tragedy.   Explain that many people around the world send their prayers or positive thoughts to help the families and friends of the victims. 
6.  Honor. Consider having a family ritual to honor the victims of the tragedy.  Depending on your beliefs,you might pray, light a candle, plant a flower in honor of the victims or have a moment of silence.  
7.  Maintain your daily routines.  If you are very close to the tragedy, this might not be possible, but try to keep as close to your regular routine as you can.  Children need structure and they rely on knowing what to expect.  Keep regular bedtimes, meal times and other routines as predictable as possible for your children.
8.   Involve children in helping others.  Children can help with bake sales or lemonade sales to earn money for victims of tragedies.  They can give away their own toys or clothes that they have outgrown to children who may need them.  They can help box up food or supplies for people in need.  Or they can write letters (or draw pictures) to support other children and families.
9. Watch for significant changes in your child’s behavior or mood.  If you notice that your child has changes in sleeping patterns, eating patterns or has other signs of severe emotional stress, seek the advice of a medical or physiological professional.
10. 1.       Take care of yourself.  If you are stressed, your child will also be stressed.  So make sure that you are eating well, sleeping enough and getting additional help if you need it to cope with the tragedy.